Beloit College Magazine
Beloit College Magazine
Fall 2000 Contents
Departments
Features
- Underwater Archaeology
- Hearing the Meanings of Words
- Kerouac for Grown-Ups
- A Race to the Starting Line
- "Don't rain! Don't rain!"
- Taking Theatre to the Streets
- Beloit in Africa
- A Paintbrush at the Front
- Saving the Turtles
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— By Susan Tate
I am about to send my daughter off to college.
After being involved in college health for over a decade, I probably know more than I
really want to about what she will face. As the former director of health promotion at
the University of Virginia, I have had the opportunity to glimpse a slice of college life
that many parents protectively deny exists. I had the privilege of assisting college
students in making healthy choices for their lives—to be there for them while they are
away from their parents. What do I feel as she is about to leave the nest? What will my
daughter face as she enters this next part of her life?
Molly spent her first year after high school studying French in a program for international students at the University of Provence in France. Her experiences this fall will undoubtedly be different from others who enter college within a few months of high school graduation. She has had her own apartment, has managed her time and (our) money, and dealt with a very difficult roommate situation. She accomplished these things while surrounded by a culture and language unlike her own. Beloit College in southern Wisconsin will be quite different from southern France . . . yet she’s still entering as a freshman. She will be encircled by a new peer group, new professors, new living situations, and a new part of the country.
For the most part, I feel at peace. Her father and I have tried to provide opportunities for independence and healthy decision-making throughout various developmental stages of her life. I know I cannot shield her from the many aspects of college life that make parents shudder. I am aware that high risk drinking behaviors can affect Molly whether she makes a decision to drink to excess or not. I can’t change the rape culture that has plagued our world since ancient times. I can’t jump into her head and keep her self-talk loaded with thoughts of healthy body images. I can’t zap her brain with an abundance of seratonin to keep her from feelings of serious depression. I can’t provide her with a routine of healthy movement that would keep her body at a high level of physical conditioning. I can’t shield her from the agony of dealing with (yet another) suicide of a classmate. I can’t protect her from pain and confusion while dealing with intimate relationships. I wish I could.
Of course, I can be here to offer my love, support, and resources. I can be a phone call away to be available to just listen and not judge. I can assist her in finding information that could help her in the processing of important decisions. I can pray for her safety and offer my support in handling life’s challenges together. I can let her go on her own path as her own person—full of hope, trust, and wonder—anxious to make the world a better place. I can send her off with my dreams for a healthy and exciting college life, but with the realization that her dreams will be created through her own experiences and her wisdom will be gathered without me.
She’s ready. She is a spectacular young adult. As far as I know, she has made healthy decisions so far. She will make mistakes, and may choose to learn about life in ways I might not choose for her. But I have confidence that she will emerge from her college years with a stronger sense of self because of the choices she makes. It’s not about me —it’s about her. I think that might be the most difficult part of letting our children go out into the world. Kahlil Gibran wrote, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself . . . You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth." I’m holding the bow, I’m ready for the release . . . with the arrow directed away toward its own path.
My intent is to respect Molly’s path, to assist but not enable and to continue to be in awe of her spirit. I want her to have a blast, study hard, laugh a lot, contribute to her community, grow from joy, and learn as much as she can about herself and others. Beloit College, here she comes! I’m ready to let her fly.
Susan Tate is director of Washington Wellness Associates in Seattle. A former assistant professor in the University of Virginia School of Medicine, she consults, speaks, and writes on numerous health issues. Reprinted with permission from Rethink, Inc.